Hypocrite

I started smoking when I was 19.  Why?  Because my friends were doing it.  Peer pressure.  It wasn’t like my friends said, “duuuuude, here’s a cigarette, to hang with us, you HAVE to be a smoker”.  No one held a gun to my head and said: you have to be a smoker!

It was my choice.  I became a smoker.  And not a social smoker who does it to be cool.  Nope, first thing in the morning: a cigarette.  59 minutes later: a cigarette.  After good food: a cigarette.  After bad food: a cigarette.  With coffee.  With beer.  You get the idea.

I heard through he grapevine that smoking was in fact not good for you.  I’ve had family ask me to quit.  So I quit.  I’ve quit cold turkey.  I’ve quit using the patch.  I’ve quit using the gum.  I have quit smoking more times than I can count (on one hand anyway).

I’m not perfect.  But, somehow, I am surrounded by people who know this and still love me.  I walked into the box after a bit of an absence and the owner gave me a big welcome back hug.  He stepped back and said, “you smell like cigarettes”.  I didn’t know what to say.  I just stood there.

deer

 Was he mad at me? Was he going to kick me out of his gym?  Was he going to call me a hypocrite and ban me from his super cult?

He didn’t.  He put his arm around me and said, “you’ll get it”.

It might not be today, it may not be this year, but I hope so… I hope I get it.  My last quit day was the 21st of December.  A mere 42 days ago.

Everyone has a “thing” they struggle with…

Does it make them a hypocrite or a human?

Tootles.

jess

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Marc
    Feb 05, 2013 @ 13:35:27

    Human all the way….. AND HONEST….that makes you one of the good ones 🙂

    it will become less and less over time as long as you really want to qui, it just takes time. Don’t beat yourself up.

    Marc

    Reply

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