Working Mom

Yesterday was the first day where the last of my children became “school aged”.  The feelings and anxiety of this chapter of my life began a few weeks ago and they all came to a head today as I drove to work at 0515 in the morning.

As I drove to work, I wished I was that mom standing in front of the school, with swollen eyes, watching their childs independence flow as they walk away… into their kindergarten class.  I wanted to be that mother who walked away without a little hand holding theirs.  I wanted to be that mother that crawled into their car, put their oversized sunglasses on with mascara running down their cheeks.  I wanted to be that mother that cried uncontrollably as they took one last long look at the school before driving home to an empty and quiet house.

But, I was at work.

Thankfully, I love my job.

I’m that mom that knew being a stay at home mom wouldn’t work for me.  Not that I don’t love my children, Lord knows I do.  I just knew I couldn’t give my children the “day care” that a day care could.  I’ve always been ok with the decision to go to work but its time like these when I cant help but wonder if working was the best decision for my family.

Then I remember this picture:

The military mom

The military mom

And I have to remind myself of the mothers who are deployed or TDY during these first pages of lives chapters.

I think of the families of the children of Oklahoma City:

Oklahoma City  April 1995

Oklahoma City
April 1995

I think of the mothers and fathers of the children of Columbine:

April 20th, 1999

April 20th, 1999

The families of Sandy Hook:

December 14th, 2012

December 14th, 2012

I reflect on the children who, by whatever reason, became an angel of God.  Maybe my thought process escalated too quickly but I’m not sorry about that.

I may not have been there for my child on the first day of kindergarten, but I as I ate dinner with my three happy and healthy children I thought to myself, “it’s not about being a working mom or stay at home mom, I’m just being thankful for the opportunity to be a mom”.



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. MC @
    Sep 04, 2013 @ 00:11:56

    I can’t tell you how much I have enjoyed your posts lately. Lovely, lovely blog! This one made me tear up.


  2. Karen
    Sep 04, 2013 @ 01:39:45

    Well said my friend… Because it is hard being that mom who wasn’t there for the first steps or Halloween and Christmas but, I’m more thankful to have them in my life… And I’m there for everything now!


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